Hi, my name is GM ShowNo and I'm a compulsive cheater.
I should have realised replacing an officially injured Centre with an
available Centre was cheating, but didn't. I couldn't get past the
irresistible urge to pull a shifty. The bigger the con, the bigger the
rush. It's primal, subconscious, I can't control it. I don't even realize
I'm doing it. Even when I think I've operated within the law, I haven't.
Things are desperate, I want to change. Society doesn't understand my
sickness; all I ask for is understanding as I try to exorcise my inner
shifty demons.
Please, by sending me just a $1 a day you can really make a
difference....aarrrrgh...out damn con-man. OUT !!!
Okur is now in and has been briefed to bust slugs to anyone who steps
to his riiiide !! I've told the Big Turk to go into Midnight Express
mode.
GM Still Punchin'
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
GM Fredman Sprays his Gats
Former GBL Headquarters
243 Glen Eira Rd
Downtown Oz
AAP
Close of Business 8-2-2005
In the words of the huge Eddie McGuire, what a huge couple of days it's been for fans of the GBL. First, the inaugural and critically acclaimed wrap prepared by GM Scotty Hodges from way across the Tasman (how'd you go in geography Bollywood???), and now, this piece of absolute rubbish from an angry, disgruntled, upset, anti-Showno former Commish and now just plain old GM.
Where to begin? How about at the top, where the GBL is currently experiencing an old-school dogfight for supremacy amongst 3 GM's. GM JDLC Rings has suddenly surged to outright leadership, which could be a very ominous sign for all other GM's. Obviously Amare doesn't smoke as much green as his shorter brother Damon. Thank goodness Shaqops is shooting only .458 from the stripe! With M. Bibby relishing injuries to C-Webb at the Kings, and J-Rich and Old Man Hill staying solid, this team looks like the franchise to beat. Could we be in the middle of a No Honkies dynasty??? Is Bibby half-honky??? If so, another blatant disregard for Franchise policy should see any Dunne victory scrapped from the history books... Forecast - Disqualified due to Bibby's half-caste status. Appeal pending.
Recently relegated into Arsenal position is the Worthy Extensions franchise, due in no small part to the absence of Vlade from the starting 5. Team captain A.I. Is back to his gangsta best, ably assisted by that other gangsta looking PG Nash... Do we have the winner of the backcourt comp right here! With 'Duncan donuts' underperforming, perhaps Mark Blount will finally get to wear that coveted GBL ring at seasons end... Forecast - Forced by the Commish to re-draft Vlade.
Wheels fall off thereafter.
There's a lotta hate going on at the Duffman's clubhouse, but it seems to be working. That, and the No. 1 lottery selection, which always helps. With KG locked in at bargain basement prices, and sophomore Wade liking what he sees with big shaq daddy, the I Hate Iverson Fan Club seems to be getting more popular with GBL bookies as the franchise to beat. The big question remains: Is Bobby, brother of Phil and Richard, Simmons good enough at SF??? Forecast - Podium finish
Straight Ballin'? Straight lyin' some would suggest. Another season, another GM Showno controversy. As always though, this one seems bigger than the last!!! What started out with perhaps some sympathy for this franchise in the wake of Jermainegate has turned into a possible GBL revolt (is this true or is it just me????!!!!) at the recent cheatin'
actions of this GM. We all know he's a recovering cheater, but we say
enough's enough. With Lebronski playing ball like MJ, Bosh spicing it up at PF, and the rotating Center position working a treat, no-one wants to discount Straight Ballin's chances of taking home the pennant, especially the Commish, who is quite content to be sitting in Showno's very deep pockets for the time being. Forecast - Will form breakaway comp, SuperGBL.
FOTY. MOTD. VOR. SIFP (Sitting In Fifth Position). Mr Consistency, GM Entwisle of the Halves and Doubles franchise, refused to take part in the 1st mid-season draft, however with Corey 'you white' Maggette appearing to be out injured for every bone in his body, and Al Harrington playing worse than his son Junior, some trades might be a possibility in the short term at this team. Bling Bling and Boozer are holding up the frontcourt well, and Starbury is the sole shining light at the Yeouseknicks. Forecast - On the rise and many more sleepless nights ahead.
Confusion reigns supreme at the EU Confusionmakers, mostly in the pronunciation of the frontcourt's surnames. GM Smart by name, Smart by nature has taken heed of the rapid rise of European hoops, and stacked his side full of wogs and dagos. GM Smart is also trying to cash in on the brand name of Stoudemire, although the 'A' in D. Stoudamire might not fool too many in the official Fast Break stats room. Watch out for Prdrag, Pejag, Pregrad... the bloke with the big chocco name, to light it up when he gets traded from the Kings. Forecast - A GBL Victory Parade through the narrow streets of Eastern Europe perhaps?
With Kobe once again hurting his sore appendage, GM Fredman took the opportunity to replace the old dead wood in his lineup with new dead wood. Whilst Chauncey has been credible at PG, the gaping hole at SF, currently being minutely plugged by Lee "who?" Nailon, could be this franchise's downfall. Brand Elton's been strong at SF, Pierce off Jack once again teases with some fine performances, and Camby (new Franchise player) rebounds well when in one piece. Forecast - Out of Serie B relegation zone, and happy about it.
What a shake-up at the O'G's. Trading players, on-trading players, delisting players, drafting injured players, subbing injured players for fresh players, you name it, GM Cotton Pants was doing it. With so much back-office activity, someone forgot to tell his players to play ball, leaving the O'G's in 8th spot, just out of relegation zone. The strong Kings frontcourt of C-Webb and Big Bad Brad Miller might be enough to get this side off the canvas, and back into contention, depending on other tricks up the cotton sleeves of their GM. Forecast - Will take out inaugural GBL award for most off-court GBL trade activity.
GM Bollywood might have just got things right for once. Whilst currently languishing in 9th, the star-studded line-up of Arenas, T-Mac, AK-47, Jermainegate, and Nenad Krstic (on loan from the EU Confusionmakers) is starting to make things happen. It must have had something to do with the turd left in the cellar by Commish Wald. However, watch out for this franchise to implode over the coming months with some stupid trademark moves by GM Braun, including the re-signing of Wally Zeserbek as reserve SF. Forecast - In a tight shoot-out for last place.
Rookie Rossco must be commended for a fine introduction into the big league. Whilst the A-Damn Katastrophe is clearly missing the leadership skills of Michael Finley at SG, his heavily Hudson River packed line-up is loving the move of Vinsanity back to the States. Now, if only Carmelo would stop smoking and shooting, this franchise could do something special. Forecast - should finish in the top 2 Dutch teams in the GBL.
GM Commish 'Google shares' of the Amster Damaged franchise continues to linger in the bottom rungs of the GBL, having learnt nothing from his Serie B relegation defeat last season. With Finley having moved across the hallway from the Rossco franchise, and the false hope placed in the hands of Kurt Thomas at PF, things don't look good down at Neiuwe Zijkes Voeurbeogwal. Forecast - a mid-season change of Commish will free the administrative shackles and lead to 1st place in the Dutch internal competition.
Good night.
Scotty Hodges Reviews the GBL Season
Well with the NBA season fast approaching the half way mark there has been action a-plenty in both the NBA and the GBL.
Headline events from the NBA include Vince Carter getting his wish and leaving the flat lining Toronto Raptors to team up with Jason Kidd and the injured Richard Jefferson in New Jersey. Phoenix have been what some might say a surprise packet this year and are one of the contenders with Steve Nash at the helm. Those San Antonio Spurs have the best record in the league and will be a force to be reckoned come playoff time and the biggest disappointment in the West has to be the dismal record of the Minnesota Timberwolves who seem to be a shadow of the team they were last year.
Out East things are taking shape as well with both Washington and Cleveland breathing new life into the conference and putting their hands up for playoff births. Shaq has settled in well in Miami who now have a deadly one – two punch with Shaq in the paint and second year sensation Dwayne Wade torching opponents all over the floor.
Those Mo Town Bad Boy Pistons after a bit of a slow start are now beginning to hit their straps and the fans have managed to stamp their claim as the biggest pack of c*nts in the world by brawling with the poor old Indiana Pacers who are suffering with the suspension of Ron Artest for the season and having an underproductive old fart still starting at the two spot.
As for the GBL well things couldn’t really get much more exciting with a mere 13 points separating the top three GMs which is in stark contrast to last season where GM LC stepped on the gas from the opening night and blew the rest of the competition out of the water. Jado’s team are in full flight at the moment arresting the lead from E-Mac with newly acquired Jason Richardson filling the void at SG. E-Mac’s team have been superb to say the least all season with TD at power forward and a backcourt oozing firepower but Mark Blount’s form of late has trailed off in much the same vein as Hodges form at the nightclubs so E-Mac has to light a fire under Blount to keep pace with Jado’s No Honkies and to fend off the challenge from DuffMan’s KG led IhateIversonFanClub. After landing the no. 1 pick in the season starting draft Hodges was already breaking out the Cubans anticipating a big win however this second year GM out of London is learning that there is more to winning a GBL ring than simply landing that giant ugly man at PF. He has also made a mental note never to draft that fcuking waste of cum Gerald Wallace again !
Mate of the day, Father of the year, the Voice of Reason, GM Entwisle has thrown his support behind that giant fried noodle Yao Ming making him the centre piece of his franchise but he needs Corey Maggette back on the court to keep the scoreboard ticking over.
Baseline shot to the top of the ladder early on however has been pegged back by a few GMs but with the recent drafting of the on fire Damon Stoudamire and Predrag Stojakovic still to return from injury is still a threat and could have other GMs looking over their shoulder in the coming weeks. In any event come the season end it will be Base vs DuffMan, Posey vs Wallace as they vie for the Raspberry award for worst draft pick of the season. DuffMan says WHOA YEAH to Baseline’s email of the year for the “for all those who want an early draft I fart in your face” comment (and accompanying attachment) which still has Duff pissing himself whenever he thinks of it.
Then we come to the Whistlerblower, GM Fredman’s Ride ‘em Cam by Tats a team which has undergone a midseason change of Michael Jackson plastic surgery-esque proportion. J-Fred’s team is tucked away quite nicely in the middle of the ladder but as his new players settle and come together as a team he could well rattle a few cages before this season is over.
S-Tac’s OGs come next with the practise court resembling a hospital wing with no less than three of S-Tac’s guys being on the IL. He currently has the magoos filling in at the moment and will be anxious to get B. Diddy, C-Web and sir rapes a lot back on court soon to launch a second half assault on the league.
GMs Bollywood and Rosco are in a battle with the loved-up Commish for the wooden spoon. Earlier this season the Commish advised that he left a turd behind for Brauny as he moved off of the bottom however Brauny has managed to throw it right back at him Gorilla style as the two have swapped places yet again. The Commish will be hoping that Marion keeps on filling it up and that the physically repugnant Sam Cassell can get fit and stay fit to help him move once and for all off of the bottom of the ladder. GM Rosco’s first season in the GBL has been a hard lesson as his team has been ravaged by injury and suspension however he has managed to console himself by having naked women gyrate over him as he watches various sporting events which I hear is a great way to unwind. As for GM Braun’s team, with the return of Kirilenko at small forward and Arenas, McGrady and O’Neal all putting up good numbers the second half of the season could be a whole different ball game for his franchise.
That’s not all yet folks – CONTROVERSY ! CONTROVERSY ! CONTROVERSY !
Julian ‘Sheister’ Sonego has adopted the Minnesota Timberwloves approach to legitimate franchise management and has provided the GBL with enough ammunition to ensure that all 11 inboxes are clogged with emails arguing over his tactics and frequent substitutions. Reeling from the suspension and delisting of Jermaine O’Neal ShowNo has left no stone unturned in an effort to claw back points lost due to Jermaine’s rather pathetic punch to the face particularly fat Detroit fan.
What will happen in the second half of the season ?
Will injury ruin the chances of a GM’s chance at glory ?
Will Jado run away with it again ?
Will S-Tac orchestrate another trade which gives DuffMan a headache as he tries to follow the sequence of moves ?
Just how many GMs will manage to fornicate in various toilet cubicles right the way around the world ?
All these questions and more will be answered so pass the oxygen bottle and settle back into the second half of the season because things are really starting to heat up.
WHOA YEAH !!!!!
GM Duff
Headline events from the NBA include Vince Carter getting his wish and leaving the flat lining Toronto Raptors to team up with Jason Kidd and the injured Richard Jefferson in New Jersey. Phoenix have been what some might say a surprise packet this year and are one of the contenders with Steve Nash at the helm. Those San Antonio Spurs have the best record in the league and will be a force to be reckoned come playoff time and the biggest disappointment in the West has to be the dismal record of the Minnesota Timberwolves who seem to be a shadow of the team they were last year.
Out East things are taking shape as well with both Washington and Cleveland breathing new life into the conference and putting their hands up for playoff births. Shaq has settled in well in Miami who now have a deadly one – two punch with Shaq in the paint and second year sensation Dwayne Wade torching opponents all over the floor.
Those Mo Town Bad Boy Pistons after a bit of a slow start are now beginning to hit their straps and the fans have managed to stamp their claim as the biggest pack of c*nts in the world by brawling with the poor old Indiana Pacers who are suffering with the suspension of Ron Artest for the season and having an underproductive old fart still starting at the two spot.
As for the GBL well things couldn’t really get much more exciting with a mere 13 points separating the top three GMs which is in stark contrast to last season where GM LC stepped on the gas from the opening night and blew the rest of the competition out of the water. Jado’s team are in full flight at the moment arresting the lead from E-Mac with newly acquired Jason Richardson filling the void at SG. E-Mac’s team have been superb to say the least all season with TD at power forward and a backcourt oozing firepower but Mark Blount’s form of late has trailed off in much the same vein as Hodges form at the nightclubs so E-Mac has to light a fire under Blount to keep pace with Jado’s No Honkies and to fend off the challenge from DuffMan’s KG led IhateIversonFanClub. After landing the no. 1 pick in the season starting draft Hodges was already breaking out the Cubans anticipating a big win however this second year GM out of London is learning that there is more to winning a GBL ring than simply landing that giant ugly man at PF. He has also made a mental note never to draft that fcuking waste of cum Gerald Wallace again !
Mate of the day, Father of the year, the Voice of Reason, GM Entwisle has thrown his support behind that giant fried noodle Yao Ming making him the centre piece of his franchise but he needs Corey Maggette back on the court to keep the scoreboard ticking over.
Baseline shot to the top of the ladder early on however has been pegged back by a few GMs but with the recent drafting of the on fire Damon Stoudamire and Predrag Stojakovic still to return from injury is still a threat and could have other GMs looking over their shoulder in the coming weeks. In any event come the season end it will be Base vs DuffMan, Posey vs Wallace as they vie for the Raspberry award for worst draft pick of the season. DuffMan says WHOA YEAH to Baseline’s email of the year for the “for all those who want an early draft I fart in your face” comment (and accompanying attachment) which still has Duff pissing himself whenever he thinks of it.
Then we come to the Whistlerblower, GM Fredman’s Ride ‘em Cam by Tats a team which has undergone a midseason change of Michael Jackson plastic surgery-esque proportion. J-Fred’s team is tucked away quite nicely in the middle of the ladder but as his new players settle and come together as a team he could well rattle a few cages before this season is over.
S-Tac’s OGs come next with the practise court resembling a hospital wing with no less than three of S-Tac’s guys being on the IL. He currently has the magoos filling in at the moment and will be anxious to get B. Diddy, C-Web and sir rapes a lot back on court soon to launch a second half assault on the league.
GMs Bollywood and Rosco are in a battle with the loved-up Commish for the wooden spoon. Earlier this season the Commish advised that he left a turd behind for Brauny as he moved off of the bottom however Brauny has managed to throw it right back at him Gorilla style as the two have swapped places yet again. The Commish will be hoping that Marion keeps on filling it up and that the physically repugnant Sam Cassell can get fit and stay fit to help him move once and for all off of the bottom of the ladder. GM Rosco’s first season in the GBL has been a hard lesson as his team has been ravaged by injury and suspension however he has managed to console himself by having naked women gyrate over him as he watches various sporting events which I hear is a great way to unwind. As for GM Braun’s team, with the return of Kirilenko at small forward and Arenas, McGrady and O’Neal all putting up good numbers the second half of the season could be a whole different ball game for his franchise.
That’s not all yet folks – CONTROVERSY ! CONTROVERSY ! CONTROVERSY !
Julian ‘Sheister’ Sonego has adopted the Minnesota Timberwloves approach to legitimate franchise management and has provided the GBL with enough ammunition to ensure that all 11 inboxes are clogged with emails arguing over his tactics and frequent substitutions. Reeling from the suspension and delisting of Jermaine O’Neal ShowNo has left no stone unturned in an effort to claw back points lost due to Jermaine’s rather pathetic punch to the face particularly fat Detroit fan.
What will happen in the second half of the season ?
Will injury ruin the chances of a GM’s chance at glory ?
Will Jado run away with it again ?
Will S-Tac orchestrate another trade which gives DuffMan a headache as he tries to follow the sequence of moves ?
Just how many GMs will manage to fornicate in various toilet cubicles right the way around the world ?
All these questions and more will be answered so pass the oxygen bottle and settle back into the second half of the season because things are really starting to heat up.
WHOA YEAH !!!!!
GM Duff
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