Jamaal is a budding point guard. He wants to be drafted by a franchise in the Ghetto Boys League. As the League stands only for professionalism, first he has to pass a vocabulary test, using each word given in a sentence. This is Jamaal's response.
1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the hotel everybody.
2. Dictate - My girfriend say my dictate good.
3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man,
somebody get that catacomb.
4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
5. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my b1tch rectum both.
6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss
disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.
7. Israel- Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He
say,"Bullsh1t, that watch israel"
8. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho who live in the apartment
undermine.
9. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took
me to thepoolhall.
10. Iraq- When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle, iraq, you
br! eak.
11. Stain - My momma in law stopped by and I axed her, "You plan on
stain?"
12. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?"
she say "fortify."
Monday, December 22, 2003
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Colorado Police start T-shirt Drive to Lynch Kobe
ESPN.com - NBA - Kobe defense sees potential bias over T-shirts
Officials with the Eagle County sheriff's office have said a company called hangmantees.com gave the office two black T-shirts with a Bryant theme on Oct. 9, the first day of Bryant's preliminary hearing.
One has Bryant's No. 8 on the back with the words, "I'm not a rapist; I'm just a cheater." The other lists the costs of Bryant's trip to Eagle County and ends with, "Not bringing your wife to Colorado with you -- priceless."
Mackey, however, accused the sheriff's office of ordering 78 of the shirts for employees and for the district attorney's office. She cited unspecified e-mails between the sheriff's office and the shirt vendor.
Officials with the Eagle County sheriff's office have said a company called hangmantees.com gave the office two black T-shirts with a Bryant theme on Oct. 9, the first day of Bryant's preliminary hearing.
One has Bryant's No. 8 on the back with the words, "I'm not a rapist; I'm just a cheater." The other lists the costs of Bryant's trip to Eagle County and ends with, "Not bringing your wife to Colorado with you -- priceless."
Mackey, however, accused the sheriff's office of ordering 78 of the shirts for employees and for the district attorney's office. She cited unspecified e-mails between the sheriff's office and the shirt vendor.
Monday, December 08, 2003
GMs Hodges & Entwisle Negotiate their Points
Gentlemen...
Another blockbuster trade officially took place over the weekend between GMs Hodges and Entwisle. In a bid to strengthen up their backcourt with some much-needed youth the Halves and Doubles have acquired young gun Jamal Crawford in a direct swap with the NWH for the experienced Gary Payton. (Show No...can you please change his team now and I will swap mine also)
The trade was seen as WIN-WIN by both GMs, with the H&Ds needing some salary cap relief to allow them room to move in the upcoming draft, while NWH just wanted to get Crawford out of their locker-room (as evidenced by the statement bvelow released from NWH headquarters). Quite frankly I think GM Hodges needs to get out more.
GM Entwisle was very happy to acquire the ever-improving Crawford who is seen to have a bigger upside to the ageing Payton. Entwisle believes Crawford will steadily increase his numbers over the second half of the season, particularly after the trading of Jalen Rose and the replacement of Bill Cartwright as coach. Payton was consistent but it was felt that with Kobe, Shaq and Malone in the Lakers line-up there was little chance of Payton having any big scoring games. The salary cap relief should also come in handy after Arenas and Webber are slotted back into the H&Ds starting 5.
GM Hodges released the following statement:
GM Duff Man : I'm pissed off, yes I'm f*cking pissed off. You can tell by the tone of my voice that I am not happy at all. We were completely hornswaggled by GM Base and intend on lodging an official
complaint to the Commish about his sly underhanded tactics. I think that
failing to inform NWH that Crawford is gay is absolutely preposterous. It's as bad as not dislosing that a player about to be traded has a torn ACL. We at NWH have absolutely no tollerance for homos*xuality. Never have. NEVER WILL ! Back in my day we would simply have taken Rip van Winkle here out the back and given him a good beating with a rubber hose. But oh no, not these days. There is all this "progressive thinking" and "everyone is equal" bullsh*t which quite frankly has no place whatsoever in the mindset of a REAL MAN. At first I was rapped with the trade. Jamal seemed really motivated and focused on winning. He kept talking about his desire to get as many 'rings'
as he can. Well poor old Ronnie (Artest) found out what Gayboy meant by
rings when he dropped his soap in the shower after the Hawks game. No
wonder Ron sat out the next game. It wasn't because he has a bad back as was originally disclosed to the media it's because he's got a cleft a*sehole for f*ck sake. And what about Jamal's action at the nightclubs with fat boy Brand....an utter lie. Very very Paul Keating-esque indeed! Luckily GM Entwisle came to Crawford's rescue and offered to take this
faggot off our hands. I would like to say that I wish Jamal all the best
but I don't and Crawford let me tell you this right now. When you take the court against the NWH next you're going to be entering a world of pain. Ron holds grudges, has a long memory......and an extremely sore a*se.
NWH welcomes Gary Payton with open arms. He brings his outstanding game, leadership qualities and most of all his ability to 'bang the booty'. The three oustanding paternity suits he currently has against him lay testimony to that!
Whoa Yeah
Trade VGM Currency For VGM Currency
J. Crawford 15 11 G. Payton 17.4 17.1
Another blockbuster trade officially took place over the weekend between GMs Hodges and Entwisle. In a bid to strengthen up their backcourt with some much-needed youth the Halves and Doubles have acquired young gun Jamal Crawford in a direct swap with the NWH for the experienced Gary Payton. (Show No...can you please change his team now and I will swap mine also)
The trade was seen as WIN-WIN by both GMs, with the H&Ds needing some salary cap relief to allow them room to move in the upcoming draft, while NWH just wanted to get Crawford out of their locker-room (as evidenced by the statement bvelow released from NWH headquarters). Quite frankly I think GM Hodges needs to get out more.
GM Entwisle was very happy to acquire the ever-improving Crawford who is seen to have a bigger upside to the ageing Payton. Entwisle believes Crawford will steadily increase his numbers over the second half of the season, particularly after the trading of Jalen Rose and the replacement of Bill Cartwright as coach. Payton was consistent but it was felt that with Kobe, Shaq and Malone in the Lakers line-up there was little chance of Payton having any big scoring games. The salary cap relief should also come in handy after Arenas and Webber are slotted back into the H&Ds starting 5.
GM Hodges released the following statement:
GM Duff Man : I'm pissed off, yes I'm f*cking pissed off. You can tell by the tone of my voice that I am not happy at all. We were completely hornswaggled by GM Base and intend on lodging an official
complaint to the Commish about his sly underhanded tactics. I think that
failing to inform NWH that Crawford is gay is absolutely preposterous. It's as bad as not dislosing that a player about to be traded has a torn ACL. We at NWH have absolutely no tollerance for homos*xuality. Never have. NEVER WILL ! Back in my day we would simply have taken Rip van Winkle here out the back and given him a good beating with a rubber hose. But oh no, not these days. There is all this "progressive thinking" and "everyone is equal" bullsh*t which quite frankly has no place whatsoever in the mindset of a REAL MAN. At first I was rapped with the trade. Jamal seemed really motivated and focused on winning. He kept talking about his desire to get as many 'rings'
as he can. Well poor old Ronnie (Artest) found out what Gayboy meant by
rings when he dropped his soap in the shower after the Hawks game. No
wonder Ron sat out the next game. It wasn't because he has a bad back as was originally disclosed to the media it's because he's got a cleft a*sehole for f*ck sake. And what about Jamal's action at the nightclubs with fat boy Brand....an utter lie. Very very Paul Keating-esque indeed! Luckily GM Entwisle came to Crawford's rescue and offered to take this
faggot off our hands. I would like to say that I wish Jamal all the best
but I don't and Crawford let me tell you this right now. When you take the court against the NWH next you're going to be entering a world of pain. Ron holds grudges, has a long memory......and an extremely sore a*se.
NWH welcomes Gary Payton with open arms. He brings his outstanding game, leadership qualities and most of all his ability to 'bang the booty'. The three oustanding paternity suits he currently has against him lay testimony to that!
Whoa Yeah
Trade VGM Currency For VGM Currency
J. Crawford 15 11 G. Payton 17.4 17.1
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Crawford & Brand Gawn for Twan & Stephawn
Well the winds of change have continued to sweep through the Confusion Makers Camp with a trade confirmed betwen GMs DuffMan and Smart. In this deal GM Smart sends Jamal Crawford and Elton Brand to the NHW and in turn receives Antione Walker and Stephon Marbury.
When asked about the deal GM Hodges had this to say :
GM Hodges : We are pleased to announce the additions of Elton Brand and Jamal Crawford to the ranks of NWH. We feel that this trade will add depth and a team focus that previously had not been present in NWH to the degree which we would have hoped for.
GM Hodges : To be honest I haven't seen either of these boys play. Hell I don't give two sh*ts about basketball I just have to find ways of spending the billions that I make from my oil ventures (Chelsea reference here). If these guys turn out to be duds then I'll just have them killed ! What did impress me about them is the night I saw them out clubbing. Obviously being overweight and having a stupid name like Elton, Mr Brand struggles with the ladies somewhat. Enter 'too smoov' Crawford with leather clad outfit, diamond earring and a first name that is a guaranteed panty remover he laid the tracks and had Mr Brand scooping up the left overs. It was a partnership made in heaven, Jamal snagging the stunner and Brand taking on the obligatory guard dogs without any complaints. I thought to myself, hey if they work this well on the court together as well then this could help lift NHW lift the Davis Cup at seasons end.
GM Hodges : Unfortunately however I can not offer such positive comments about Messieurs Marbury and Walker. Straight up Marbury's foot odour is an absolute disgrace ! Poor Michael Redd hasn't been able to hold down one room service meal and hasn't been able to con any puntang to come in any further than the hotel door for the foul stench Stephon's shoes make. We at NWH believe that player happiness is paramount and as such had to find Mr Marbury a new home so as to enable Michael to eat and root as a good professional basketball player should. I just hope Carter has a gas mask ! Now as for Antione, well we had to send him 'walking' for disciplinary reasons. He fancied himself as the practical joker of the team and while we were willing to put up with the toothpaste he placed on a sleeping Ron Artest's balls, the continual late night fast food deliveries that 'mysteriously' arrived on the door step of Coach Brown's room, we drew the line at the 'hide the sh*t' prank that he pulled on Jermaine which quite frankly was done in poor taste.
There was poor old Jermaine about to shampoo his hair when out oozes Antione's curry from the previous night. No wonder Jermaine had an off shooting night the next game, he had been sitting with his hand in a bucket of detol for 27 hours and that rendered his muscles practically useless.
We like to run a tight ship at NWH and we hope that we have sent a clear message that the usage of any bodily waste in any practical joke is clearly overstepping the line. Hopefully GM Base will keep a tight leash on this one.
We managed to track down GM Smart in Mint, a nightclub in Buenos Aires with the most amazing looking women in sub-Colombian South America, still dancing at 9:30 on Sunday morning. In a cocaine induced haze, Smart said, "Who's Stephon Marbury and Antoine Walker? Are they carrying, I'm all out?"
I love this game.
GM DuffMan
Trade VGM Currency For VGM Currency
Crawford 14.8 11 Marbury 19.1 18.9
E. Brand 38 22 Walker 19.4 18.1
TOTALS 52.8 33 38.5 37
nb - Brand had only 1 game to his name at this stage
When asked about the deal GM Hodges had this to say :
GM Hodges : We are pleased to announce the additions of Elton Brand and Jamal Crawford to the ranks of NWH. We feel that this trade will add depth and a team focus that previously had not been present in NWH to the degree which we would have hoped for.
GM Hodges : To be honest I haven't seen either of these boys play. Hell I don't give two sh*ts about basketball I just have to find ways of spending the billions that I make from my oil ventures (Chelsea reference here). If these guys turn out to be duds then I'll just have them killed ! What did impress me about them is the night I saw them out clubbing. Obviously being overweight and having a stupid name like Elton, Mr Brand struggles with the ladies somewhat. Enter 'too smoov' Crawford with leather clad outfit, diamond earring and a first name that is a guaranteed panty remover he laid the tracks and had Mr Brand scooping up the left overs. It was a partnership made in heaven, Jamal snagging the stunner and Brand taking on the obligatory guard dogs without any complaints. I thought to myself, hey if they work this well on the court together as well then this could help lift NHW lift the Davis Cup at seasons end.
GM Hodges : Unfortunately however I can not offer such positive comments about Messieurs Marbury and Walker. Straight up Marbury's foot odour is an absolute disgrace ! Poor Michael Redd hasn't been able to hold down one room service meal and hasn't been able to con any puntang to come in any further than the hotel door for the foul stench Stephon's shoes make. We at NWH believe that player happiness is paramount and as such had to find Mr Marbury a new home so as to enable Michael to eat and root as a good professional basketball player should. I just hope Carter has a gas mask ! Now as for Antione, well we had to send him 'walking' for disciplinary reasons. He fancied himself as the practical joker of the team and while we were willing to put up with the toothpaste he placed on a sleeping Ron Artest's balls, the continual late night fast food deliveries that 'mysteriously' arrived on the door step of Coach Brown's room, we drew the line at the 'hide the sh*t' prank that he pulled on Jermaine which quite frankly was done in poor taste.
There was poor old Jermaine about to shampoo his hair when out oozes Antione's curry from the previous night. No wonder Jermaine had an off shooting night the next game, he had been sitting with his hand in a bucket of detol for 27 hours and that rendered his muscles practically useless.
We like to run a tight ship at NWH and we hope that we have sent a clear message that the usage of any bodily waste in any practical joke is clearly overstepping the line. Hopefully GM Base will keep a tight leash on this one.
We managed to track down GM Smart in Mint, a nightclub in Buenos Aires with the most amazing looking women in sub-Colombian South America, still dancing at 9:30 on Sunday morning. In a cocaine induced haze, Smart said, "Who's Stephon Marbury and Antoine Walker? Are they carrying, I'm all out?"
I love this game.
GM DuffMan
Trade VGM Currency For VGM Currency
Crawford 14.8 11 Marbury 19.1 18.9
E. Brand 38 22 Walker 19.4 18.1
TOTALS 52.8 33 38.5 37
nb - Brand had only 1 game to his name at this stage
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Confusion at the 'Makers' as Trade Irregularities Surface
GM Smart to lose 19 VGMs at the end of the season for illegally including Gasol in today's roster. Luckily for GM Base Chandler did not suit up today (Dec 1 games).
Probably will be worse if GM Base doesn't have Magliore and Nowitski subbed in time for tomorrow's games. Once those VGM's are gawn, you can't get em back.
Word.
____________________________
I'll tell you another thing for free !
Whatever VGMs you accrue today for Chandler and Gasol in your team won't count.
When you announce a trade, you're meant to sub your players straight away. Not some time the next week. Brauny has kept his side of the bargain (surprisingly) - and yet you dropped the ball !
Not good enough.
Looks like the Commish just got UpsideYaHead B*atch !!!
____________________________
Probably will be worse if GM Base doesn't have Magliore and Nowitski subbed in time for tomorrow's games. Once those VGM's are gawn, you can't get em back.
Word.
____________________________
I'll tell you another thing for free !
Whatever VGMs you accrue today for Chandler and Gasol in your team won't count.
When you announce a trade, you're meant to sub your players straight away. Not some time the next week. Brauny has kept his side of the bargain (surprisingly) - and yet you dropped the ball !
Not good enough.
Looks like the Commish just got UpsideYaHead B*atch !!!
____________________________
Monday, December 01, 2003
GBL Wrap Week 2
November 30
Tidnings Utgivarna
In the middle of nowhere
Amid abuse, shouts of laziness and even questions of how much I really love this game, I bring you this weeks’ Wrap. It is late, but then again I know of a few Nordic girls that may also be late next month.
So 3 weeks into the GBL season and the league table is already starting to take some familiar shape. GM Dunne’s No Honkies have surged to the top after a huge 424 points in week 4. All 5 starters are averaging more than what they were valued at and that has given GM Dunne the confidence to hit the Sri Lankan bitches, I mean beaches, while his team runs through their motions. I’m sure JD’s motions are quite runny too after a few vindaloos.
An early surprise package is GM “Who’s ya Daddy� Mac who has been accused in the past of being scared of heights. Let’s see how long he can stay up there. Eddie Mac was heavily backed in Holland after the draft. Any team that boasts Iverson and Kidd in the back court would make any betting pundit dig deep into their pockets. Mac has been vocal in his support of GM Wald’s jutz banging campaigns and that has built strong bridges between the continental franchises…..all that work however was destroyed by a comment about our boy Ruud smoking the pink one. Van Nistelroy responded in the dutch papers this week “Wat een klootzak! Mac heb geen idea als iderein of helemaal!!!! Hij worden hondje ontbijt, waneer I ben klaar met hij…..� (What an idiot! Mac has no idea about anyone or anything! He will be dogs breakfast when I’m finished with him). Speaking of Finnish, I banged a chick from Helsinki on Friday….my first taste of real herring. (pic attached)
Early favourite GM Entwisle is sitting pretty tucked in behind the leaders in 3rd spot. He is not far off the pace and will be looking to slip stream the leaders in the second half of the season. The Wallace brothers have kept the scoreboard ticking and it has even had the GM thinking about recruiting their older brother Terry to add some more hussle and bussle. The Glove has slipped onto the 5 pronged attack nicely, together with our favourite Islamic Extremist, Shareef Abdur-Rahim and a guy from Broadmeadows, Jason Richardson. Look out for big things from the Halves and Doubles this year!
Sitting in just behind Mick is the newly appointed commish, GM Show No “Mercy� Sonego. What a great job this man has done so far this year. The king of bog, I mean blog, has put the effort and newly found geek skills into this great competition that has lifted it to a new high…..so much so that we had 3 franchise clubs trying to get into our great league. It has to be the greatest compliment to the GBL when rogue franchises try to sneak in and compete against the best. GM ShowNo’s leadship and guidance helped pave the way for a smooth transition into the newly spelled league. Television rights, licenses and branding all renegotiated within an hour and new name for our competition was created. Great work by the commish…..
New arrival and welcomed supporter of Manchester United, GM B. Hodges is enjoying a good start in his rookie year. He, like GM Wald finds it difficult to engage in the banter in the Northern winter season, due to time differences…..but Hodges has shown great potential early on in the season to not only rack up VGMs, but also wit and banter that has made this competition so great…..and living in London, its probably not the only thing he racks up…Amsterdam awaits you.
GM’s Cotton, Fredman and Braun are in their usual places, sniffing a lot of arse and there is not much to report there. Great wrap up from GM Smart, rockin’ in Rio and although he is placed last at the moment, expect a KIWI-esque (1983 melbourne cup) come back from behind…..he will probably wait until early next year before the whip comes out ala Jimmy Cassidy………
Keep on Rocking!!!
GM Wald
Tidnings Utgivarna
In the middle of nowhere
Amid abuse, shouts of laziness and even questions of how much I really love this game, I bring you this weeks’ Wrap. It is late, but then again I know of a few Nordic girls that may also be late next month.
So 3 weeks into the GBL season and the league table is already starting to take some familiar shape. GM Dunne’s No Honkies have surged to the top after a huge 424 points in week 4. All 5 starters are averaging more than what they were valued at and that has given GM Dunne the confidence to hit the Sri Lankan bitches, I mean beaches, while his team runs through their motions. I’m sure JD’s motions are quite runny too after a few vindaloos.
An early surprise package is GM “Who’s ya Daddy� Mac who has been accused in the past of being scared of heights. Let’s see how long he can stay up there. Eddie Mac was heavily backed in Holland after the draft. Any team that boasts Iverson and Kidd in the back court would make any betting pundit dig deep into their pockets. Mac has been vocal in his support of GM Wald’s jutz banging campaigns and that has built strong bridges between the continental franchises…..all that work however was destroyed by a comment about our boy Ruud smoking the pink one. Van Nistelroy responded in the dutch papers this week “Wat een klootzak! Mac heb geen idea als iderein of helemaal!!!! Hij worden hondje ontbijt, waneer I ben klaar met hij…..� (What an idiot! Mac has no idea about anyone or anything! He will be dogs breakfast when I’m finished with him). Speaking of Finnish, I banged a chick from Helsinki on Friday….my first taste of real herring. (pic attached)
Early favourite GM Entwisle is sitting pretty tucked in behind the leaders in 3rd spot. He is not far off the pace and will be looking to slip stream the leaders in the second half of the season. The Wallace brothers have kept the scoreboard ticking and it has even had the GM thinking about recruiting their older brother Terry to add some more hussle and bussle. The Glove has slipped onto the 5 pronged attack nicely, together with our favourite Islamic Extremist, Shareef Abdur-Rahim and a guy from Broadmeadows, Jason Richardson. Look out for big things from the Halves and Doubles this year!
Sitting in just behind Mick is the newly appointed commish, GM Show No “Mercy� Sonego. What a great job this man has done so far this year. The king of bog, I mean blog, has put the effort and newly found geek skills into this great competition that has lifted it to a new high…..so much so that we had 3 franchise clubs trying to get into our great league. It has to be the greatest compliment to the GBL when rogue franchises try to sneak in and compete against the best. GM ShowNo’s leadship and guidance helped pave the way for a smooth transition into the newly spelled league. Television rights, licenses and branding all renegotiated within an hour and new name for our competition was created. Great work by the commish…..
New arrival and welcomed supporter of Manchester United, GM B. Hodges is enjoying a good start in his rookie year. He, like GM Wald finds it difficult to engage in the banter in the Northern winter season, due to time differences…..but Hodges has shown great potential early on in the season to not only rack up VGMs, but also wit and banter that has made this competition so great…..and living in London, its probably not the only thing he racks up…Amsterdam awaits you.
GM’s Cotton, Fredman and Braun are in their usual places, sniffing a lot of arse and there is not much to report there. Great wrap up from GM Smart, rockin’ in Rio and although he is placed last at the moment, expect a KIWI-esque (1983 melbourne cup) come back from behind…..he will probably wait until early next year before the whip comes out ala Jimmy Cassidy………
Keep on Rocking!!!
GM Wald
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)