Spinning the Cotton Wrap #1

GBL Wrap 4 – Instalment 1
9 February, 2004
Mercy Mercy, Prahran

Last week I was pulled over the hot coals for the tardiness (generous description) in my GBL Wrap. There was a public calling for the spill of Cotton’s blood, but like a true ‘sport’ I’ve copped the criticism on the chin and actually managed to pull 3 positives out of the email bashing I received ..….
1) The spirit of the GBL is still alive and kicking
2) We’ve unanimously agreed that “GM Mac = Vinny Dalpino”
3) I’ve got all ya’ll muthafuckers on the edge of your seat as I present to you the GBL Wrap of the week!

And to kick off proceedings let’s take a look at the GM who’s creating a wedge between himself and the rest of the competition courtesy of NBA MVP favourite Garnett. KG, the VGM powerhouse, was undisputedly the best pick in the pre-season draft. Grabbed with the 3rd overall pick, he’s managed to tally up double the VGMs of the 2nd overall pick – ShaqFu. Sound impressive? Well it is! Well, it sort of is. To put in it perspective, Shaq has totalled the lowest VGMs out of all currently playing GBL Centres! Yep, and that includes Magliore and Camby Tats.

When asked for comments about KG’s first half of the season performance, GM Dunne lived up to his reputation of being the leagues LC - “GM Wald really is a fuckin’ numbnut. Shaqops is overrated and overweighted. KG may look part alien but he’s delivering on the scoreboard and that where it cunts .. I mean counts”. GM Wald took a break from his hectic business trip in Scando to respond to GM Dunne’s comments - “yep I have been fuckin’. And yep I do have numb nuts”.

Despite GM Dunne’s arrogance, danger does loom at the “No Honkies” franchise. The biggest question surrounds the ongoing performance of Brad “Honkie” Miller. Will the immanent return of C-Webb see Miller’s numbers decline? Hmmmm …only time will tell.

There has also been constant speculation, as the delisting date the forth-coming draft approaches, to whether or not Billups will soon be without a home. His numbers have dropped and we all know that GM Dunne shows little tolerance for under performers. However, there is not much depth at the 1 spot so again we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. Talking of the 1 spot, keep your eyes out for Sebastian Telfair in the 2004 NBA Draft. Hailing from Brooklyn, and cousin to Stephen Marbury, this point guard is setting the high school world alight with his mind blowing dribbling skills and sixth sense passing prowess. Telfair recently broke the NYC assist / scoring record previously held by my number one homeboy Kenny Anderson. Just like LeBron, remember where you heard this first.

Chomping at GM Dunne’s heals we have the league’s Whipper Snipper - GM Duffle Coat. It may only be his first year, but his ability to recruit the GBL stars of the future has other GMs seeing Redd (corny joke I know, but it was too “NBA Action’esk” to exclude).

Duffle Coat (aka 2004/5 GBL Commish) has also been notably aggressive on the trading front throughout the year. In fact his focus in this area has left him with one of the most formidable line-ups in the competition. Perhaps more GMs should follow his lead rather than just focusing on building depth in the 3 spot.

Current Commish, GM ShowNo, went into franchise self-destruct mode pre-Christmas with the ‘savy’ recruiting of Arroya and Miller. Luckily for him, he was able to use the power granted to him as Commish to pull the GBL draft date forward and ensure that the effect of his poor drafting was minimised. Fortunately for us, history repeated itself and he picked up Dwyane Wade who’s numbers have halved since returning from injury. When asked to comment on his erroneous drafting ShowBitch was quoted as saying “At least I didn’t draft Alonzo Mourning”.

Apparently GM Angry Man found little humour in GM ShowBitch’s remarks, and was last seen wielding a glock around the St Kilda’s Luna Park Bumper Kart Track just because “some mutherfucker jumped into the No. 32 kart. That’s my fuckin’ kart. That muthafuckin’ should of known. I’m a kill that little muthafucker”. The offending driver of the No 32 kart was unavailable for comment. However, her kindergarden teacher released the following statement on child’s behalf “GM Mac = Danny Tiatto”.

Apologies to GM LeBraun, GM Smart(arse), GM Kitty Kat and GM Pussy Beater. GBL Wrap 4 - Instalment 2 will be coming your way soon.

Until then ………… Ya’ll know I don’t love know ho’s.

GM Cotton