GBL Draft Report

If Draft Night’s anything to go by, we have an action packed GBL season ahead of us.

 

GM Fredman ably took up the reins as Draft Co-ordinator and organised an expert update on the current injury list from a medical professional…NURSE!  If you know what I mean…

 

After having his glasses liberally smeared across the stripper’s crotch, I’m sure Dunnie has a nasty case of cuntjunctivitis this morning.

 

Others have a nasty case of postdraftregretitis…

 

As usual, Carlton was penalised at yet another draft with Braun and Smart again going in the last few.  It’s a conspiracy. 

 

GM Hodges managed to sneer the coveted number one pick.  With KG, who cares who else he’s got? 

 

GM Entwisle reinforced his standing as the Makita “Mate of the Day” when he did us all a favour and drafted Bling Ming at 2…thanks Mate of the Day.  Aside from drafting the big man way too early, GM Entwisle put in another rock solid performance at draft night – Al Harrington, Magette and the man who has the right name to be the Halves and Doubles franchise player, Boozer. 

 

The shock of round one came when the rookie Rossco stepped into the pressure cooker that is GBL draft night for the first time.  I mean, none of us doubt Michael Finley’s first round credentials…IN 1998!  Obviously Rossco knows something we don’t through his Phoenix connections…pity the advice didn’t involve the Suns.  Rossco went on to draft Big Bad Ben Wallace and Jason Kidd.  He’s obviously going for experience to offset his “rookieness”.

 

His Freaky Deaky Dutch partner in crime, and worthy new Commissioner of this fine league, Commish Waldy, never really got over the disappointment of not seeing the stripper.  He’s got Marion and Cassell, but with Doc Rivers coaching it doesn’t really matter who’s on the floor. 

 

Cotton was distraught in the first round.  His love child Lebron was drafted by GM Showno, who showed a lot of faith in the boy wonder at pick 7.  Not one Detriot player amongst his starting five, despite constant talk of back-to-back.  Stevie Franchise and Jermaine O’Neill round out a strong team.  Expect the usual trash talking from this Motown boy.

 

Cotton was even more distraught about getting the last pick.  He looked very pale and we were worried he’d end up back on the drip…luckily we had a medical professional on hand to tend to his needs, if you know what I mean.  For the first time ever, Cotton didn’t crack.  He was focused.  5 solid picks, no typical Cotton post-draft dissonance, and an amazingly strong team for the guy with the last pick – Pierce, Brand, Donyell Marshall and Miller Time times 2.  A team to watch.

 

GM Fredman was another strong performer on draft night.  Kobe, Zach Randolph, Magloire…not a shit African centre or crap New York power forward amongst them.  Like his beloved Saints, could be a big improver this season.

 

It didn’t take GM Braun long to mispronounce players…Steven Marbury (he obviously turned white in the off-season) and Jerry Magloire.  He was also thinking of drafting Darren Wayde and Allen Brand.  Brauny’s never started with a team this solid – McGrady, Kirilenko, Arenas.  As always, Brauny will be good for trades in a few weeks.

 

E-Mac sparked a controversy when he drafted Divac and then recalled the pick.  He must have still had some shaving cream in his eye when reviewing Divac’s numbers.  In a flash, Divac was out.  And if Boozer has the right name for the Halves and Doubles, then Divac’s replacement couldn’t be better for E-Mac’s team – BLUNT!  Luckily he’s also got Tim Duncan Donuts and The Answer.

 

And then of course, there’s Rings Dunne, defending champ and only two time winner.  Dunne took up the Trevor Marmalade position in the kitchen with special LC comments all night.  Dunne showed usual form.  Build the team around Shaq.  Then draft one useless white guy to make a mockery of the No Honkies franchise.  This year it was Matt Harpring.  We all know that one pre season a player does not make.  Dunne immediately suffered from NCPPRS…Neale Cotton Post Pick Regret Syndrome.  He hasn’t slept a wink.

 

And what was Baseline thinking with James Posey?  He obviously thought it was the “Jamaal Possie” – how could he resist?  Only weak link in a solid team.  Smart will take on all challenges in the Back Court Challenge – all cash bets will be accepted and no one will out score B-Diddy and Ray Allen.  Especially not Rossco’s backcourt of Finley and Kidd.  Dirk the Jerk and the Big Z Ilgauskas round out a strong team.  Smart might find himself in foreign territory – not last at the first mid-season draft.

 

Let’s get it on!

 

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