PRESS RELEASE
November 15 2002
Geto Boys League Wrap
- Bloomberg -
(ASX:GBL; NASDAQ:GBOYS; DAX:GLGE)
The opening two weeks of the Geto Boys League was always going to be an interesting period for onlookers as teams jockeyed for early supremacy, but no-one would have predicted the rise and then fall from grace for those franchises lucky enough to secure a top 3 draft pick. The Worthy Extensions and No Honkies Rings outfits currently find themselves languishing toward the lower rungs of the GBL championship table after a meteoric start to the season, and it is only GM Wald’s Amsterdamaged operation who currently appears to be staging a comeback. GM’s Mac, Dunne and Wald however can all take solace in the fact that there are still some 70 odd games for which their players can extraaact, and history shows it is rarely the November champion who takes home the biscuits in April.
Shaq’s in-grown toenail is still the talking point around the league and GM E-Mac is sweating like a whore in church waiting for the big fellas comeback. The Worthy Extensions are looking more like the Jerry Built Extensions at the moment and whilst Vlade Divac is providing reasonable numbers in the middle, GM E-Mac is missing the consistent 30+ VGMs many expect Shaq to bring in when he returns. Glenn “Big Dawg” Robinson pulled the trigger early and provided some early cum stains on GM E-Mac’s shorts as he lit up the opposition in the opening week, but his numbers have subsequently decreased since Shareef Abdur-Raheem threatened to issue a fatwa on him if he didn’t give up the ball a little more. When asked for a comment, GM E-Mac said “Evwhaaaaaaol Evwhaaaaaaool ! When my big man return you better back the f*ck up coz I aint goin’ out like dat. 200 points can go like the blink of an eye when Shaq be dominating. Don’t count this operation out just yet.”
Early nominations for the Executive of the Year award have flooded the GBL offices with GM Entwisle’s name being regularly mentioned. The team name may have confounded some, (the “halves” aspect upsetting a few of the harder members of the GBL fraternity), but the team has been a model of consistency and have led the league from week 1 to the present day. Savvy recruiting by GM Entwisle has seen solid contributions from across all five starters and it is perhaps the coaching position that is the one weak spot in this roster. Kobe Bryant has been in superstar form, but it is the lesser likes such as Steve Nash turning in solid performances that has GM Entwisle grinning from ear to ear. This grin, like his alleged sexual performances, may be premature as the asylum application for his centre Illgauskas – the surprise sleeper in the draft that he stole under GM Dunne’s nose – is likely to be revoked. New draconian legislation recently pushed through Congress gives police the power to detain and interrogate for 3 months without charge any person with a family name longer than two syllables. Illgauskas is apparently high on their list for questioning. For the moment however, things look pretty rosy, although GM Entwisle must be concerned about a possible drop in output from K. Bryant once Shaq Daddy returns to the Lakers and takes over as the first option on offense.
Storming up the table and the team GM Entwisle must surely fear the most are GM ShowBitch’s Pump Fakers. After a disappointing first week where he found himself in seventh position – Elton Brand contributing a negative 1 VGM in his first game – and amid early calls to bring the first draft date forward, the Pump Fakers surged in week two and posted the highest weekly VGMs of any franchise to date with a score of 420. Solid contributions all round has been the formula for their success, but the bedrock over the past one-and-a-half weeks has been the resurgence of Elton Brand and Shareef Abdur-Raheem. Early indications also show that the value drafting policy of GM ShowBitch (not the man-love policy many suggest) which led to the hiring of Isiah Thomas into the coaching position was a masterstroke, with Isiah punching in a current 6-1 record. GM ShowBitch is extremely happy with how the roster has responded to the dressing down he gave them after the first week, but not content to rest on his laurels he has hinted at changes in the upcoming draft. Whether this is a ploy to keep the players on their toes or simply a warning shot across the bows of other GM’s, one thing is for sure, this team got game.
Still at large and currently unavailable for comment, GM Wald must surely be licking his chops, or perhaps rolling his crops, at the prospect of his Amsterdamaged outfit exploding into the top two GBL positions. Iverson is still throwing up more than a model at a Dior party, and Kidd is keeping the statisticians very busy but it is the dormant volcano that is Mr. Fundamental – Tim Duncan – getting into gear and putting up numbers resembling last year’s MVP award winning performance which propelled the now exiled GM Wise into the money pit that has most of the front running GM’s looking over their shoulders. This is certainly a serious contender for bragging rights to number one position if all cylinders can get firing at the same time which seems to be only a matter of time.
GM Fredman finds himself in a very strange place indeed; no longer the Commish and no longer at the bottom of the table. Vying with GM ShowBitch for the most improved award over the 2001/02 season, GM Fredman’s Baby Hooks are currently trading positions with GM Wald’s Amsterdamaged for third spot. Antoinne Walker may have been a little slow to start (he couldn’t find his singlet for the first three games), but with K.Garnett hoovering up the odd 25 rebounds, it doesn’t really matter. Causing distraction off the field and perhaps hampering his team’s progress, GM Fredman has found it difficult relinquishing his power and has been very vocal in airing his dismay at the concessions made by the current administration in dealing with draft irregularities. Perhaps he should be paying more attention to his team’s on court performances than that of the front office. Consistency is still the big question mark which hangs over this franchise, but GM Fredman is confident his team can make a run at the top spot coming into the festive season. “A shipment has just come in to Pier 35 for the holiday season so I am expecting my players to run through brick walls for me….literally”. St. John’s ambulance staff have been notified and all eyes will wait to see what GM Fredman can pull out of his little (coin) bag.
Bondi based GM Smart has been spotted in recent days at the surf club chewing through a burger with the lot and analysing the solid progress of his beloved “Makers” who have built a good base (no pun intended) from which to launch an assault on the higher echelons of the GBL. In the first week, the Makers had a lock on third spot behind MVP-type performances from Tracy McGrady, who continues to dazzle opponents with an array of offensive weapons. GM Smart had apparently photocopied a pre-season email from GM Wald and handed it to his troops to use as motivational material. The results have been mixed and is due in part to the fact that if you read further down the photocopied email, you saw GM Smart’s (notso) questioning of whether he made a mistake in drafting K.Martin. Hardly the stuff to inspire great performances out of your roster. The skinny on this outfit is that McGrady’s back is suspect and that they’d better find someone to support him fast, or they will go lottery. Look for big changes on draft night.
GM “Rings” Dunne finds himself uncharacteristically in seventh position despite a day or two in the sunshine in first place at the very beginning of the season. Chris Webber looks to be getting his feet and will most likely begin to put up some consistently big numbers, however he too often plays two games then misses one due to some weak ass complaint like a sore stomach, much to the chagrin of GM Dunne who was a notorious hard man during his glory days in the GBL’s feeder league, the GBLA. Andre Miller has also proved enigmatic at point – darling of the competition one day, donkey the next. It is only early days and it would be foolish to write off this wily old GM who has been around too long to let this early form upset him. Some minor tweaking come draft night could reverse the fortunes of the No Honkies and propel them up the ranks. Inside sources claim T-Mac mk II could be on the block due to an apparent rift he is causing in the normally anti white-boy team, but with little depth in the five spot on offer, it is hard to imagine who might fill the corn-fed country lad’s shoes.
GM Braun’s Wannabees are proving to be exactly that – Wannabees. They were eighth after the first week and are still running eighth now. Nowitski and Payton are still worth their salt – Nowitski in particular who could be an MVP candidate should he continue his torrid form, however the rest of his team play like Mark Waugh used to bowl…..right arm junk ! Definitely needs some sort of inspiration if he is to hold aloft the “Commissioner Fredman” memorial trophy at the end of the year. The one bright spot being an early draft pick come Dec 13 which could yield some very ripe fruit for the long suffering Wannabee fans as there is much untapped talent in the league available for selection which could give the Wannabees quite a strong scoring nucleus to begin their ascent.
Perhaps the most disappointing (or humorous) story of all belongs to that of GM S-Tac. Last after the first week, solid second week and reasonable but still off the pace third weeks sees GM S-Tac in a S-N-double O- P Dogg fight with GM Braun for stone motherless last. In what could only be described as time ill-spent, GM S-Tac’s intense preparation and bragging about some great sleepers being available for savvy GM’s all went pear shaped as the draft night yips (distant relation to the Collywobbles) took over GM S-Tac and led to the drafting of veteran truck driver and southern retard Karl Malone. Many questioned (including GM S-Tac about 3 seconds after announcing his selection) if you could pick a player who’s numbers were more likely to decrease this year than any other ? As with GM Braun, number one pick at the next draft looms, but with so many holes to fill other than Centre where Jermaine reigns supreme, the future doesn’t look good. Might be time to start researching the ‘03/’04 season S-Tacular !!!
For the punters – my value bet still available is a $10 four fold Bet by backing New Jersey, Detroit, Dallas and Sacramento to win their divisions respectively currently returning a tad over $100. (www.bet365.com). If you want to join, punch Bet365 into a search engine like MSN as you may also secure a 20 pound free bet by clicking on one of their links and joining.
Till next time……..remember the GBL mantra…..”Smack dem bitches down”.
Peace out.
GM ShowBitch
